Monday, January 24, 2011

FUPA Flops and Friends on Skates (each not having anything to do with the other)

Friday night was yet another Disney night.  We got there later in the evening so by the time we had parked, strolled, entered California Adventure, devoured our bread bowls and possibly one of the most delicious cookies I have ever eaten in my life, it was time for World of Color (a.k.a. Color-ific!!!) so all of the boardwalk rides were already shut down.  We made our way over to Tower of Terror (a.k.a. Vagina Tingle) and realized that everyone who wasn’t watching World of Color was in line for the best tingle in town…55 minute wait! No thanks!  We entered into the Bugs Land and went on the Lady Bug (kinda like the teacups) ride instead and all were worse off for it…but not as bad as the lady we were about to see eat shit about 45 seconds from exiting the ride!  Going on that ride was all about to be worth it.  As we were making our way out of the land in order to leave California Adventure for Disneyland one of the best things we have seen in 2011 happened!  All of a sudden…out of nowhere…a rather large female “Cast Member” spastically tripped all over herself only to fall hard to the floor and bounce and skid to a stop about 20 yards away!!  Mikaila was holding Emily and just kept walking because containing her laughter was not an option.  I started to laugh but saw Sandra trying to be concerned so I didn’t want to feel like an asshole too… so I evened my grin out to a small smirk and went for help.  The only person I could find nearby was a trash guy.  I ran over to him to let him know that the lady had fallen and he just kind of looked at me.  His look said “uhhh…DERRR” and I could see that I wasn’t going to get much help from him.  If it were a spilled drink or a small piece of litter on the ground…he would have been my man…but a woman (especially of her magnitude) was going to need someone with a higher rank.  He said he would go for help but just sort of stood around like everyone else…staring at the mess of woman on the floor.  Some other lady came and seemed to want to take charge of the situation…so we all just looked at each other and decided to walk away so that we could laugh about the scene that had just occurred.  I think Mikaila was crying she was laughing so hard.  I was just mad that I had been jipped of my true pleasure of the situation because I felt I needed to help her?  She didn’t even answer us.  She just laid there not saying anything.  For a moment I thought she might have died but she was just causing a scene.  When she finally faced the crowd all she could say was “I just fell and hit my knee really hard.”  What??  Unless you are choking or having a seizure then fucking answer people that are trying to help you!!  I don’t even know how she could even hit her knee with her FUPA in the way…but whatever!  She made and ass out of herself and a good laugh was had by all at her expense!  We dubbed the night FUPA Flop Friday 2011!  BAM!!!

Saturday was the celebration of my 30th birthday.  We had lunch with the family and then ran around for the rest of the afternoon in preparation for the night ahead.  Daisy Dukes…check.  Afro…check.  Roller skates…check….oh wait…uncheck…got them home and realized that one was a size 8 and one was a size 9!!  I had to go back to Sports Chalet to change them for 2 size 8 skates! So annoying…but I got a  handful of change back because the tax is less in OC than LA County!  BAM!!  We all gathered at our house for some cocktails and when everyone had arrived we headed out in the limo for World on Wheels in LA!  A couple people had to ride bitch on the floor (Limo for 20 my ass!! Or maybe not my ass…maybe 20 midget asses…but no way was there room for 20 on the seats!!), and we had to stop to pee (well…the boys got to pee in a Taco Bell parking lot while the girls had to get  back in the limo to wait for our destination…which happened to be just around the corner)…but we were there before too long.  Bladders bursting at the seams we all ran into the bowling alley that is attached to the rink to unload.  After we relieved ourselves, the limo drove us to the other side of the parking lot to drop us outside of our destination.  The line wasn’t too long so we got in, everyone got their skates, and then we hit the floor…some harder than others!  I was fortunate to only have fallen once…I was coming off the wood onto the carpeted ramp and BAM! I had rugburn on my knee.  Not too traumatic though.  I don’t think that Kelly was able to stay on his skated feet for more than one second together.  Lara didn’t do much better…she had to ice her knee at the snack bar for all her falling!  Joel, on the other hand, and his super talent for quad skates were revealed!  He was doing all kinds of moves and little jumps!  He assured me that he hadn’t skated in 5 years…but I think he goes in secret every week and that he is training for the quad skate version of Blades of Glory!  Jamie was pretty groovy on her wheels as well…the rest of us just sort of hold our own I think…it was so much fun though and I can’t wait to go again!  There was also a bar upstairs where the people that had given up on the skate dream and decided instead to try their hand at singing.  Unfortunately I could no longer even speak at the time…let alone sing (my voice was completely shot from screaming on Space Mountain the night before…laughing at the FUPA…and screaming the lyrics to ABBA songs in the limo on the way there)…so Mary, Holly, Jody, and Kate were able to steal the show where their show stopping rendition of “None of Yo’ Business” by Salt n Peppa!
 BAM!  It was pretty spectacular!  The bar was a sweatbox so after their song Jamie and I made our way back down to the rink for some more skating. In doing this I missed out on some gay pulling his penis out on Kelly…but I think I’m ok with that!  Anyway…the fact that I missed out on that ball action was made up for in the limo conversation on the way home about how Kelly apparently has hairy wooly mammoth balls…but only on the top!  Haha!  Anyway it was a fab night and thank you so much to Joe, Lara, Luis, Kelly, Joel, Jamie, Kate, Nick, Jody, Marc, Holly, Mary, Chris, Roc, Rene, Celia, Nico, Sandra and Ernesto for making the celebration of my 30th birthday an awesome one!  I love all you guys!  Let’s do it again next month! 

Hey Kelly…is this a little better for you?

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